英文灌水日记 12月1日(4)

The germ of a whimsical idea that “I am normal and the whole society is a deformed outcome, I am a noble prince and everyone else is the slave of money” takes root in my mind when I have read extensively in western philosophy recently. The idea seems ridiculous at first sight: you are neither Einstein nor Marx, how can you say you are healthier than everybody around you? Whether it is objective or not, it can make a great weight off my shoulders: with the idea that a human being must adapt to society in my mind, I constantly blame myself for failing to be up to the standard; when I changed to its opposite, an old Chinese saying “everyone is filthy whereas I am pure, everybody is drunk whereas I am sober” soon floated into my mind. In this way, I am by no means as depressed and agonizing as I used to be when I had the strong impression that everyone is inferior to and humbler than me.

当我最近广泛涉猎西方哲学的经典文献以后，我萌生了“只有我是正常的，而整个社会都是畸形发展的产物；我是一个高贵的王子，而其他所有人都是金钱的奴隶”的古怪想法，这想法乍看上去很荒唐：你既不是爱因斯坦也不是马克思，凭什么说你比周围的所有人更健康？不管它是否反映了客观事实，它至少能让我卸下负担、轻装上阵：当我抱着人必须适应社会的想法的时候，我总是责怪自己达不到理想的目标；当我转向它对立面的时候，中国的一句古话“举世混浊予独清，众人皆醉予独醒”立马就浮现在我的脑海当中，就这样，当我感觉所有人都不如我、都比我卑贱之际，我不再如以前那般痛苦和郁郁寡欢了。