英文灌水日记 8月31日(3)
如果说在身患抑郁以前，我是个成天把自己埋在书堆里、对任何人没有感情的冷血动物，身患抑郁之后我却对这个世界充满了无限的情感。我们知道艺术就是情感的学问，一个没有情感的人即便有再好的技巧也很难成为艺术巨匠，而有情感的人只要稍加锤炼就能摇身变成艺术大师。每当我抑郁的时候，我会把自己的情绪带到创作当中，稍加润色就能谱写出一曲曲华丽优美的篇章，每当我得意洋洋地把自己的成就展示在别人面前，我总能得到所有人的啧啧称赞：“黄越青真是个天才”、“再努力一把你就能创造出所有人望尘莫及的奇迹”、“你真的太厉害了”、“你简直就是我们所有人俯伏膜拜的偶像”，这些话仿佛是治愈我的良药，它们能让我的抑郁情绪一扫而空，这时我会感觉“正因为自己抑郁内心才能充满了丰富的情感，正因为情感丰富我才能在艺术上取得如此斐然的成就”，所以每当我向别人介绍起自己的病情时，我都能自豪地宣称“本人是个以忧郁见长的作曲家”。
If I could be deemed a cold-blooded animal without human affection to anyone and a bookworm burying myself in books before depression, I became passionate and was full of emotion to the world since suffering from it. We all know that art is an emotional learning, a skilled man without feeling can't turn into an artist no matter how skilled he is, while an emotional man can be easily hammered into a virtuoso. Every time when I was depressive, I brought my emotions into composing activity and with the slightest embellishment a piece of magnificent movement would come out. Everytime when I was triumphant to show my achievement to people around me, I was praise to the skies, "Claudio Huang is a real genius", "one more effort you can create unprecedented miracles", "you are so awful", "you are the idol everyone pay homage to", as if these words are a great healer, they can sweep away all my depressive feelings and give me a sense that "I am overwhelmed with profound sentiments just because I am depressive, it is just because of it that I can achieve brilliant success in art realm", so, every time when I introduce my illness to others, I can declare proudly that "I am a composer noted for melancholy".
If I could be deemed a cold-blooded animal without human affection to anyone and a bookworm burying myself in books before depression, I became passionate and was full of emotion to the world since suffering from it. We all know that art is an emotional learning, a skilled man without feeling can't turn into an artist no matter how skilled he is, while an emotional man can be easily hammered into a virtuoso. Every time when I was depressive, I brought my emotions into composing activity and with the slightest embellishment a piece of magnificent movement would come out. Everytime when I was triumphant to show my achievement to people around me, I was praise to the skies, "Claudio Huang is a real genius", "one more effort you can create unprecedented miracles", "you are so awful", "you are the idol everyone pay homage to", as if these words are a great healer, they can sweep away all my depressive feelings and give me a sense that "I am overwhelmed with profound sentiments just because I am depressive, it is just because of it that I can achieve brilliant success in art realm", so, every time when I introduce my illness to others, I can declare proudly that "I am a composer noted for melancholy".
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