英文灌水日记190609(6)
尽管我在音乐方面的造诣已经被权威机构认可了，身边的绝大多数人都不能欣赏我的演奏。每次当我认识一个新朋友并向对方介绍自己毕业于钢琴系时，对方一定会说：“真的吗，你太厉害了！如果能欣赏你弹琴那一定是我的荣幸！”倘若他们真的有机会耳闻我弹琴，他们总会表现出“听不懂”，“太晦涩了，不知道在弹些什么”。在某种程度上，我一个专业人士甚至不如那些搞业余、能表演两三首好听的曲子如“致爱丽丝”、“水边的阿狄丽娜”、“梦中的婚礼”的那些人受欢迎。正如我上面提到的，我觉得那种音乐太肤浅和没有价值，除了感官享受，它们不能带给听众任何其他的东西。从美学上讲，它们花哨、浮华却没有任何实质性的内容，因此算不上好音乐。如果我把心思花在那个上面纯粹是浪费时间和精力，即便凭着弹那些曲子的我被周围人接受，那也根本没法让我在专业音乐圈立足，因此，即便我的技巧早就能驾驭这类曲子我也不愿去碰它们。
可是我感觉绝大多数听众的认知水平都达不到我的高度，他们认为音乐的本质就是让耳朵舒服，只要你的指尖能流畅出美妙的音符你就是一个好的钢琴手，如果你只会“制造噪音”，你一定是一个不合格的乐师。
In this way I am thrown into a dilemma: be myself and turn a deaf ear to the people around me, I will be isolated and unpopular to an extent that I will be spat at and deemed a “noise maker” by those misunderstanding me; take the initiative to cater to these vulgar people, I will degrade myself, and after a long time I will go so far as to lose confidence in myself and become indecisive. After a tough struggle in my mind, I made up my mind to give up playing that instrument of wide range. Anyway, I can’t make a decision in that black-and-white option: for one thing, I am unwilling to lose myself, for another, I don’t want myself to act as a villain, a person universally disgusted. Not long after I abandoned playing piano, I turned my attention to classical music composition. It not only can make full use of the knowledge I previously accumulated, but can avoid conflict thoroughly: without a disturbing piano, I can finish everything on my computer, people stand up to me can't do anything with me even if they are averse to the noisiness I make. Simultaneously, I did everything I can during the process to make my pieces not so eccentric that most of my friends and relatives can accept me readily. When I find myself unfettered by that black-and-white option: either cater to others or be disliked by them, I feel relieved. Till then I found myself too bullheaded for a professional piano player, music composition, by contrast, is my real end-result. From this time on I set a goal for myself: no matter what difficulty I have to face and what hardship I have to go through, I must treat it as my lifelong career and never forsake it.
可是我感觉绝大多数听众的认知水平都达不到我的高度，他们认为音乐的本质就是让耳朵舒服，只要你的指尖能流畅出美妙的音符你就是一个好的钢琴手，如果你只会“制造噪音”，你一定是一个不合格的乐师。
In this way I am thrown into a dilemma: be myself and turn a deaf ear to the people around me, I will be isolated and unpopular to an extent that I will be spat at and deemed a “noise maker” by those misunderstanding me; take the initiative to cater to these vulgar people, I will degrade myself, and after a long time I will go so far as to lose confidence in myself and become indecisive. After a tough struggle in my mind, I made up my mind to give up playing that instrument of wide range. Anyway, I can’t make a decision in that black-and-white option: for one thing, I am unwilling to lose myself, for another, I don’t want myself to act as a villain, a person universally disgusted. Not long after I abandoned playing piano, I turned my attention to classical music composition. It not only can make full use of the knowledge I previously accumulated, but can avoid conflict thoroughly: without a disturbing piano, I can finish everything on my computer, people stand up to me can't do anything with me even if they are averse to the noisiness I make. Simultaneously, I did everything I can during the process to make my pieces not so eccentric that most of my friends and relatives can accept me readily. When I find myself unfettered by that black-and-white option: either cater to others or be disliked by them, I feel relieved. Till then I found myself too bullheaded for a professional piano player, music composition, by contrast, is my real end-result. From this time on I set a goal for myself: no matter what difficulty I have to face and what hardship I have to go through, I must treat it as my lifelong career and never forsake it.
write as灌水