女人的弱点(16)

I covered myself with quilt and burst into tears when I stepped over the threshold. I revealed everything to mom. Having no powers to be me and suffer on my behalf, all she could do was to soothe me ceaselessly with these words: “Distract yourself and forget that girl, you won’t worry about girls when you developed a good cause and distinguished yourself, all you need to do now is to keep your mind on your study.” I, too grievous to believe everything happened on me, would rather be convinced that it was a nightmare and I would wake up someday. I hated the reality, I hated the gap between Hannah and me, I was resentful of the current education system. Why is it necessary to be divided into university, vocational school and graduate school? Without it nothing can separate me from Hannah. Mom was right, I must convert my sorrow into strength and become powerful. I must do something bigger than I was now, make Hannah sorry and wake up from her wrong choice. Although I was too sad to eat and drink and the girl’s spirit haunted me for about a week, I pulled myself together at length and engross myself in mathematical study. In spite of the fact that Hannah is my first love and I couldn’t erase her from my mind, to me she was more of a motivator than a flirting sweetheart now. Every time when I was weak, lazy and depressed, “Hannah is looking down upon you” could always give me some strength and make me go a little bit further. Since I was hurt by Hannah and disappointed in the relationship with her, I never involved myself with any girl, because having been poured a cold water, I had already had the awareness that there is no true love in this world, love, no matter how sincere it is, is always linked to money, position, prestige and qualification.