【生肉搬运】鸟雀Passerine 第五章(35)
Techno was quiet for a moment, simply processing the weight of Philza’s revelation.
Then he said, “Couldn’t you have said all that before I broke Wilbur’s face?”
Philza grimaced. “I’m sorry. I was… well, losing it, as I said. You know me.”
Techno nodded. “I do know you. Always gone in the aftermath, aren’t you?”
“Techno—”
“You could have stayed to explain,” Techno said quietly. “Or you could have taken me with you.”
They both knew he wasn’t talking about just Tommy anymore.
Philza shook his head sadly. “What gave me the strength to leave the night my wife died, Techno, was the knowledge that you were staying behind. I’d seen what you were becoming to the boys, and what the boys were becoming to you. I knew I could leave, because they had you.”
“But who did I have, Phil?” Techno demanded.
Philza’s eyes widened. “Techno, that’s—”
“Me and you,” Techno went on, not hearing anything beyond the pounding of his own heart. “That’s what you said. So where were you when I was crashing through an entire library’s worth of books on history and politics and godsdamned etiquette just to fit in in a life I never asked for? Where were you when Tommy was waking up from nightmares almost every night, or when Wilbur was pulling his hair out over being king at sixteen? Where were you when the voices got so loud for the both of us that we had to take turns reminding each other to breathe?”
Then he said, “Couldn’t you have said all that before I broke Wilbur’s face?”
Philza grimaced. “I’m sorry. I was… well, losing it, as I said. You know me.”
Techno nodded. “I do know you. Always gone in the aftermath, aren’t you?”
“Techno—”
“You could have stayed to explain,” Techno said quietly. “Or you could have taken me with you.”
They both knew he wasn’t talking about just Tommy anymore.
Philza shook his head sadly. “What gave me the strength to leave the night my wife died, Techno, was the knowledge that you were staying behind. I’d seen what you were becoming to the boys, and what the boys were becoming to you. I knew I could leave, because they had you.”
“But who did I have, Phil?” Techno demanded.
Philza’s eyes widened. “Techno, that’s—”
“Me and you,” Techno went on, not hearing anything beyond the pounding of his own heart. “That’s what you said. So where were you when I was crashing through an entire library’s worth of books on history and politics and godsdamned etiquette just to fit in in a life I never asked for? Where were you when Tommy was waking up from nightmares almost every night, or when Wilbur was pulling his hair out over being king at sixteen? Where were you when the voices got so loud for the both of us that we had to take turns reminding each other to breathe?”
第五摄香肉
