人生的后半场(10)

Somewhat out of competitiveness, somewhat to escape the fate of "Pity Zhong Yong", I walked on with confusion in the darkness for a long time and at length see the light. If it can be said, in any case, I adopted "competitive thinking" previously, (for example, when somebody asked me "how is your wushu study", I was sure to answer "I am the best physically and technically, and I can at least knock down two bulks"; if he asked "how is you coming along with your computer programming", I was bound to say "I got a first in the latest exam"), through playing piano, I learnt a kind of "degree thinking": when there is no rival, I can compete with myself. (This creed can also be applied to cultural study: having learnt English for 3 years, I have a grasp of 1 thousand new words, I go much further in the comprehension of sentences and words now, having composed 10 pieces of music this year, there are 10 extra "children" born to me); even if there is no one around to be a match for me, when I keep on my study, my degree deepened and my understanding to some particular knowledge is more penetrating than before. (This mindset is inspired by the observation that with years of practice, a piano player may "ascend to different grades" and thus handle different textbooks for himself. Instead of competitive thinking, most of piano players are prone to improve their skills to higher degrees and in the course perfect themselves). A highbrow man always feels lonely, while a man accompanied by himself and his pursuit never feels alone. When I changed my thinking mode, I found everything was changed. The door to a new world is opening before me and I can see my future lays inside it. Although the dark thoughts of taking evasive action like Sidis and putting an end to my own life like Lin Jiawen had ever occurred to me, I felt myself, with these two chips in hands, courageous and odds-on enough to win the second half of the race. Having adopted this kind of attitude, I felt motivated and the progress I make now is twice or thrice as much as before. Well, I am ready for the second half of the race, let's begin.